LUXTON REDNECK GAMES

gcoyle — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:07:27 CDT

LUXTON FALL FAIR REDNECK GAMES

SEPT. 12-14, 2008

Redneck games started in East Dublin Georgia in 1995 as a politically incorrect spoof of the Olympics. They have spread rapidly, and are finally coming to Victoria, capital city of the Independent Republic of Vancouver Island.

The games are down and dirty events like bobbing for pigsfeet , toilet seat toss , and mud pit belly flops.

REDNECK HORSESHOES

Better known as toilet seat toss

-- 2 players at a time

-- toss seat at plunger

--3 points for a ringer

-- 1 point if within a toilet seat

--winner is determined by most points

BOBBING FOR PIGSFEET

--five tubs of water are lined up on ground

--player must move "pigsfeet" from first to last tub using only his/her mouth

--best time wins

MUD PIT BELLY FLOP

--contestants are judged on style and performance

MUDPIT TUG O WAR

--6 contestants on each team

--winner will be determined by pulling at least one member of opposing team into the mud pit

--no gloves or cleats

--if members let go of the rope they are disqualified

ARMPIT SERENADE

--winners are judged on style and performance

TO ENTER GAMES OR TO BE A VOLUNTEER, EMAIL luxtonrednecks@shaw.ca

SHHEDULE of EVENTS

Toilet Seat Toss, Bobbing For Pigsfeet, and Armpit Serenade -- Sat Sept. 13 -- 11 til 4

Mud Pit Bellyflop and Mudpit Tug o' War -- Sun Sept 14 -- 11 til 4

There is no cost to enter, but if you want a Redneck Games T-Shirt the cost is $12.00

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE

LEARN TA SPEAK REDNECK

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh
bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things
gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is
gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup
truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime."

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the
University of Alabama?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!

REDNECK GAMES - Recently Updated Pages

LUXTON REDNECK GAMES

Ya'll Come Back Now, Ya hear?